This page is in developement.
The idea is to develope a way for us to find and Unite with our **Whole Natural Biological FAMILY** in history and real time.
Please bring forward your ideas in comments
Onward – Jim
This page is in developement.
The idea is to develope a way for us to find and Unite with our **Whole Natural Biological FAMILY** in history and real time.
Please bring forward your ideas in comments
Onward – Jim
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April 1, 2009 at 00:06 |
Goodmorning Jim,
in Ausralia there is a programme called ‘ Find my Family’ which mainly aims at adoptees, but the emotion of broken families is evident.
I have written to numerous people over the years and all are reluctant to have anything to do with Family Law, because everyone suspects the anti-social behaviour that goes on beneath the surface even though they may not truly understand or believe it.
I am pleased that you are starting such a process, and hope that your readers will be able to add to the suggestions and tell their stories so that people seeking re-unification will get an idea of the process and how that it separates families.
These are my ideas.
I hope that we can make this work Rgds Mark.
HOW TO START ?? further to the reunification programme of children separated by divorce, adoption etc and the need for a central register, I propose the following.
Everyone knows the birth date so this should be central. From this you can expand
For separation and divorce,( maybe not adoption;)
Names – perhaps at first, only initials, or first few letters of name, due to privacy etc
This could include mother, father child and all could be confirmed with birth dates.
From this you can expand geographically outward, if information allows -
eg.
Name of hospital
town
state
country
The idea being that as much information is recorded as possible, but with enough privacy to cover yourself from liability.
Then any amount of info you can think of:
Favourite pet, relative, toy, friend .. ETC.
Contact could then be done easily by leaving an email address for the recipient to write to and connect on the finer details
OR
You could establish a secure system, whereby if people knew enough detail they could go to a security level of more info./ intro letter etc
Do you have the skills to set up such a system. I certainly don’t, but from my experience in Family Law over the past decade, this is needed — world wide !!
1.DYSFUNCTION: ie. in terms of viewing the world and imcidents from a negative point of view rather than ‘ sunny ‘ side.
1.1. History – is a history of why it is happening important in the process of reunification ie. we are all victims ?
There has always been some forms of dysfunction. In our more recent history from what us ‘ baby boomers ‘ can remember anyway it came from single parent families due to war / accident / childbirth widows / ers, least favoured child, middle child syndrome and / or adoption.
Fairy tales have stories of the ugly step mothers and fathers.
Personally, I’m not sure if my qualities would extend to bringing up others children instead of my own. Sure you can be nice, have patience, feed and clothe, but we all know that the real crux is being there emotionally when needed.
1.2. The problem with todays DIVORCE INDUSTRY is that this dysfunction is a man made – adult – creation fuelled by self gratification – greed and sexual……… maybe control ?
1.3. EMPLOYMENT : The divorce industry would be in the top 5 Industries in developed countries contrived to make people believe that the grass is greener.
As civilizations develop hand to mouth employment changes to other fields.
Today as we export our MANUFACTURING jobs overseas it is important to create new jobs, as politicians know that employment is one of the ‘ Big Three ‘ in being re-elected – Emploment, Interest Rates and Inflation.
1.3.1. The HUMAN MISERY INDUSTRY has evolved as a major employer of modern times – ie. the endless pursuit of trying to make UNHAPPY people happy – the emotional needs, not to mention the basic household needs, the health, the law and order ……… just about every industry has some spin off from Family Court.
1.4. It is unlikey in this climate that we can count on any GOVERNMENT TO CHANGE this system since their whole focus is on getting elected, then re-elected and re-elected.
Their second focus is on not having INQUIRIES unless the outcome is known.
1.5. Does EXPLOITATION OF CHILDREN deserve its own heading ?
1.6. CONTACT often only continued (s) due to strong family support in this climate. So many services and good intentioned people throwing curved balls that it becomes such an emotional rollercoaster that support of families and friends is paramount particularly when you are all victims AND all suffering from depression.
2. ATTEMPTS at Reunification : It is in the THIS CLIMATE that we endeavour to bring people together with the emotional baggage of separation ie. we are all / mostly all, victims of a system.
2.1 CADDS and RUNAWAYS : There are some, and most have their reasons and personal problems, so perhaps it’s best not to judge or have high expectations.
2.1.1. It is possible that even these cadds often wondered how ‘ you ‘ were, not that they may admit to it.
2.2 BALANCING Emotions AND Expectations : Fairy Tale Endings is what we seek and although it does happen the purpose of this is to try and ‘ make it happen ‘ in as many cases as possible – personal probems, abuse, ugly step parents .. etc.. factored in !!
We know that we are missing something in our life AND we want ‘ desparately search to be MADE WHOLE AGAIN.
2.2.1. UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER’S TRAUMA : The understanding that each is a victim and has suffered greatly maybe hard to appreciate when some many emotions need to be expelled at the same time by two people – WHO’S LISTENING?
2.2.2. GAMBLE : I have a new life and how do I know that if I take this risk it won’t ruin what I have re-established, despite my emotional needs.
2.2.3. Reunification with parents and children who had contact but it becomes disruptive as the children did not like or could tolerate the parents NEW PARTNER or vise versa.
2.3. EXCUSES : I hear too many excuses when I raise this topic with ‘ the affected ‘ and far too often it is the tremble and sadness in their voice that gives it away.
2.3.1. CHILDREN’S EXCUSES :
2.3.1.1. HE’s a DICK HEAD – I tried to get on with him but he acted inappropriately eg. by getting drunk and saying and doing silly things. Further down the track it maybe at a wedding or social occassion when the ex-partner was present and the emotions head into overdrive.
2.3.1.2. Children often find it hard to get over the emotion of ABANDONMENT. Why did my big strong, powerful, loving father who said that he loved me just disappear from my life.
2.3.1.3. Families develop a PATTERN OF BEHAVIOURS and 10 years down the track the old famiarlarity has changed.
2.3.1.4. AGE DIFFERENTIALS as it is not a young child anymore but rather a teenager or young adult AND a middle aged / older parent.
2.4. ADULT EXCUSES :
2.4.1. GUILT …… GUILT …… GUILT …. Why did I give up trying, why did I walk away
2.4.2. RETURNING CRYING CHILDREN to the other parent when all the child wanted was more time with you – adult issues – the pain of ABANDONMENT becomes too much to bare.
2.4.3. Children saying I HATE YOU or YOU DON’T LOVE ME as they are dilvering nasty messages from the ‘ ex ‘.
2.4.4. SUICIDE – When parents didn’t have the support, their love was too great..
April 1, 2009 at 00:34 |
Perhaps ‘ unite ‘ may be better heading !!